My essay has made slight progress
#1
Why was there a revolution in France in 1789?


In this essay I will try to explain why there was a revolution in France, 1789. In the following paragraphs I will look at different events at the time and how they could link to the start of a revolution.

There was a huge injustice of the social classes in the 18 century, France used a system which is now called the “Ancien Regime”. There were 3 estates; the first being the Nobles, the second was the Clergy and the third was everyone else. The Clergy and the Nobles lived comfortable lives and did not have to worry about things like food and housing, they didn’t pay taxes even though they were the people with the money. The Third estate had to undergo many hardships throughout every year of their lives. Their main problem was paying heavy taxes, they were the only people in the whole of France who payed taxes meaning they had to pay for everything even thought they were the poorest group of people overall. Every year they would have to spent 1/10th of their income on a “Tithe”, which was a tax payed to the church; They were also having to pay demanding feudal taxes on top of this. Not only did they have to pay a huge amount of taxes, but they had to give up multiple working days a year to repair roads that they couldn’t even afford to use. The people of the third estate wanted change as they were sick of living such difficult lives which was a key contributing factor to the start of the French Revolution.

At the time ideas about Power and Religion were being questioned, this period of time is called “The Enlightenment”, a group of people called Philosophes were writing about new ideas of Power and how the country should be run. Many of the Philosophes were also questioning faith in the Catholic Church, and if you were to challenge that you would have to also challenge the King’s power as he was supposed to have been given his power by God himself. They had ideas such as the “Social Contract” which urged people to sway towards the idea of letting everyone inside the country have a view on how the country is run, and forcing the people making the decisions to actually listen to these views and ideas. This was a huge deal in the 18th century as the King or the structure of power in France had never been questioned before. The Philosophes wanted to change how the country was run, and informed others on their views. This was another key contributing factor to the start of the French Revolution as even introducing an idea of change could be seen as ‘Revolutionary’.

Economic struggle also plagued France at the time, after high demand for food due to increased population and a series of bad harvests food prices skyrocketed. In 1789 bread prices has risen so high the average French peasant would be spending over 75% of their salary on bread alone. This enraged the peasants so much that the women and children of Paris marched on to Versailles on the 5th of October to forcibly take grain for bread from the King and Queen themselves, they also wanted to force them to live in Paris to show them how disgusting their living conditions were. The people were angry at the King and Queen as they believed they did not take any notice of how bad their lives had become, and were envious and frustrated that the Nobles (especially the King and Queen) lived such flamboyant lives without doing a lot of work. The peasants took control of the King’s castle in Versailles and marched them back to France, along with their huge stockpiles of grain.
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#2
alright u cheeky monkey, I'll make a tiny start on this:

1st Sentence:
There was a huge injustice of the social classes in the 18 century, France used a system which is now called the “Ancien Regime”.

Small typo - you mean 18th not 18.
Flow issue - This would read better as two separate sentences

Suggestion:
There was a huge injustice of the social classes in 18th century France. They used a system which is now called the "Ancien Regime".

The first sentence of paragraph 2 is even harder to read... should definitely be split into 2 separate sentences.
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#3
(10-27-2016, 09:52 PM)AmusingGoose Wrote: Why was there a revolution in France in 1789?


In this essay I will try to explain why there was a revolution in France, 1789. In the following paragraphs I will look at different events at the time and how they could link to the start of a revolution.

There was a huge injustice of the social classes in the 18 century, France used a system which is now called the “Ancien Regime”. There were 3 estates; the first being the Nobles, the second was the Clergy and the third was everyone else. The Clergy and the Nobles lived comfortable lives and did not have to worry about things like food and housing, they didn’t pay taxes even though they were the people with the money. The Third estate had to undergo many hardships throughout every year of their lives. Their main problem was paying heavy taxes, they were the only people in the whole of France who payed taxes meaning they had to pay for everything even thought they were the poorest group of people overall. Every year they would have to spent 1/10th of their income on a “Tithe”, which was a tax payed to the church; They were also having to pay demanding feudal taxes on top of this. Not only did they have to pay a huge amount of taxes, but they had to give up multiple working days a year to repair roads that they couldn’t even afford to use. The people of the third estate wanted change as they were sick of living such difficult lives which was a key contributing factor to the start of the French Revolution.

At the time ideas about Power and Religion were being questioned, this period of time is called “The Enlightenment”, a group of people called Philosophes were writing about new ideas of Power and how the country should be run. Many of the Philosophes were also questioning faith in the Catholic Church, and if you were to challenge that you would have to also challenge the King’s power as he was supposed to have been given his power by God himself. They had ideas such as the “Social Contract” which urged people to sway towards the idea of letting everyone inside the country have a view on how the country is run, and forcing the people making the decisions to actually listen to these views and ideas. This was a huge deal in the 18th century as the King or the structure of power in France had never been questioned before. The Philosophes wanted to change how the country was run, and informed others on their views. This was another key contributing factor to the start of the French Revolution as even introducing an idea of change could be seen as ‘Revolutionary’.

Economic struggle also plagued France at the time, after high demand for food due to increased population and a series of bad harvests food prices skyrocketed. In 1789 bread prices has risen so high the average French peasant would be spending over 75% of their salary on bread alone. This enraged the peasants so much that the women and children of Paris marched on to Versailles on the 5th of October to forcibly take grain for bread from the King and Queen themselves, they also wanted to force them to live in Paris to show them how disgusting their living conditions were. The people were angry at the King and Queen as they believed they did not take any notice of how bad their lives had become, and were envious and frustrated that the Nobles (especially the King and Queen) lived such flamboyant lives without doing a lot of work. The peasants took control of the King’s castle in Versailles and marched them back to France, along with their huge stockpiles of grain.

If this is your actual essay, then you need serious help. Your grammar and sentence structure is all over the place, however your spelling is good. Also don't restate the question that often.
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#4
also: Is this considered an essay in Brittain? It's probably not even half a page kek
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#5
FFS guys the Goose has obviously made a start on an assignment, got stuck, and asked this community for help.

Sure, some people will give help, others will simply tell the guy that his current essay sucks.

HE KNOWS his current essay sucks, that's why he posted it here.
"Complexity, is just a lot of Simplicity"
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#6
(10-28-2016, 09:14 AM)QwQ_tw Wrote: also: Is this considered an essay in Brittain? It's probably not even half a page kek

ikr? When I was his age I was writing 2 pagers...
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#7
So here is some constructive critique in 3 parts, general structure, specialised structure, and point internal structure (basically with most subjects up to Year 11 information is fed to you on a drip, so structure is everything).

1. General Structure

With general structure, normally have about 3 clear points divided along obvious lines, in this case I'd say Social (Enlightenment and Social Change), Economic (Famine, Economic depression) and Political (International pressures and Louis XVI being hated). Make sure you clear state why they are separate, and make sure they don't overlap. But also, you should have a whole case, a sort of idea as to which is the most important point which you should explain in your conclusion, which you can hint at across the essay

2. Specialised Structure (Introductions and Conclusions)

So with Introductions generally it's a good idea to do a brief overview of the subject matter, in this case the French Revolution, saying something like "The French Revolution in 1789 was a pivotal moment in the History of Europe, as for the first time a monarch of a major nation had been deposed, and happened for several reasons:". Then lay out basically point headers and finally hint at the case you are going to argue for.

With conclusions, you need to again, do a very similar thing only with slightly different wording and giving a more firm expression of your whole case, as well as an explanation for it.

3. Internal Structure (Inside Points)

Each point should have 3 sections. First, an expression of what the point is, as well as an example of that point. Then, you should have some explanation of why that point is true, and why it happened. Finally and crucially, compare this point to your others, and weigh them up in importance to create a really good analytical essay.
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#8
Don't forget to cite your sources.
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#9
(10-28-2016, 01:55 PM)ataranlen Wrote: Don't forget to cite your sources.

When I was at school, for some reason they didn't ask you to cite sources.
It was only when I got to university that they asked for this (crazy right?)
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#10
(10-28-2016, 09:16 AM)ChadDX Wrote: FFS guys the Goose has obviously made a start on an assignment, got stuck, and asked this community for help.

Sure, some people will give help, others will simply tell the guy that his current essay sucks.

HE KNOWS his current essay sucks, that's why he posted it here.

Thank you, Chad.
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