Invasion of the BritFags
#1
Invasion of the BritFags


My name is DonaldTrumpForMC, and I am an American. That might sound obvious, since the name of this hellhole is, after all, MineTexas. There was a time not so long ago, where I would have been lost in the sea of others who could also claim the same, but those times are long gone. Now, it’s only…them. They still haven’t been able to find me, but I can hear them, endlessly muttering in the global chat. They talk about how they have great deals for me on god armor, how I should see how amazing spawn looks now, all of it utter nonsense. I try to tune it out, but some of them, still wearing the skins of people I used to call friends, all with that same damned name, have started figuring out how to get into the private chats, and I’m not sure how much longer I can hold out before the bastards finally get to me, and I just walk into spawn and let it happen. But before I do that, even if it’s pointless to try, I’m going to write down what happened, how this server became like it is now, how I even managed write this down, even knowing what fate awaits me, all of it. I can only hope that someone finds this. 
It all started several months ago, and Chad was bored. Chad, also known as ChadDX, was the resident stoner, trader, and all around optimist. You could ram a sword through this guy, and the worst he would do was not offer a discount on prices. He smoked more pot than a chimney, and it was not uncommon to hear his trademark “hang on, let me roll a spliff” echo through chat. After Zineon kicked the bucket, Chad hung on to his trades, but then those stopped coming through when the economy dried up. He tried to keep building things at spawn, but even that was constantly destroyed beyond recognition by the stream of raiders and griefers that seemed to grow larger every day. Then, the thing that really started his downward spiral off the deep end, was the pot. See, those cries of “let me roll a spliff” stopped happening, and he seemed to have went cold turkey altogether. After that, it wasn’t a long time before he just stopped coming to spawn, and then not even talking. He would log on, the name would be there up in the tab along with his numerous other accounts, but not a single one would talk. Normally, I could strike up a conversation with Chad when I was bored out of my skull digging a hole or building a storage room, but when he clammed up, even private messages wouldn’t get through to him. It was eerie to see such silence, but everyone eventually got used to it. I occupied the time that was normally spent talking to Chad, by setting myself up a little cabin a few million out, and hunting and fishing the days away for sport, answering questions and writing articles when the mood struck me. But one day, when I went to spawn to pick up my usual supply drop, I noticed something odd. One of the more well known players, and one of the people who was originally closest to Chad, Xenobyte73, was doing a very un-xeno-like thing. He walked from side to side, placing a crafting table, and breaking it, for about 5 minutes. Then, he inexplicably began to place crafting tables in a seemingly random fashion before stopping, and just stood in place, looking at nothing in particular, before something terrifying happened. His name suddenly went blank both above his head and in tab, and then..changed somehow. The new sign above his head read “XenobyteDX”, and I quickly ran towards him to see what had happened. I asked in chat what happened, but his only response to every question I posed was “Hey man” or “cool dude”. Frustrated, I asked people in chat what they thought, but the only person who piped up at the time was Minoxio. In usual fashion, he replied “kek looks like Xeno really has a hardon for Chad” Everyone else either said something similar, or couldn’t figure it out at all. When taters joined, I asked him what he thought of it, and he couldn’t seem to figure it out either. I decided to dismiss the inexplicable name change, and simply went on with my business. It was about two days later, when it happened again. Another person had changed, to have that same prefix, DX, and they too only responded with simple sentences. At this point, I assumed it was some kind of joke between Xeno and the other, but then it happened again, and again, and again. People would go to spawn, act erratically, then simply froze in place and changed their name. By now, I had no idea to do, and I watched the odd structure the DX’s seemed to be building, as they had abandoned every project or ambition they had, and dedicated all their time to creating this structure, never ceasing in their building. It was some sort of intricate fractal, with hundreds of squares within squares and odd tunnels extending throughout the entire structure, and constructed out of an odd mash of crafting tables and jack o’ lanterns. Occasionally, someone would try to attack one of the DXs working on the project, and sometimes succeeded, but as the structure grew in size, the DXs would rarely be seen on the outside, and anyone who went inside the warrens of tunnels inside the structure would never come back out, and their nametag would eventually gain the DX prefix. The structure grew to such prodigious size, that it surrounded the entirety of spawn, both above and below, and anyone who went to spawn quickly became lost in the tunnels, which seemed to stretch on for thousands of blocks in both the nether and overworld. Eventually, anyone who was left stopped trying to go to spawn, because any time a new player joined, there would be a moment where they either asked what was wrong with spawn, or simply screamed. After that, silence, and then the name would change. It got to the point where the only people left were a few hermits, the main sects of the clans, and some of ASP who hadn’t been caught inside the spawn build. Time progressed relatively normally, with all the groups, myself included, trying to figure out just what to do. Warsoilder naturally suggested we send a contingency to spawn to attempt to kill the DXs and find their way through the structure, while Minoxio berated him on this. After a period of arguing, the two groups decided to head to spawn, leaving the rest of us waiting to see the results of their effort. Within seconds, they reported that the spawn build seemed to stretch up into the sky, and pulsing lights could be seen coming from deep within the tunnels leading underground. A few attempted to explore the tunnels, but quickly disappeared. After this, the group began to panic and chat and call for more reinforcements, but there were simply no more people to call upon, save Taters, who had been silent for days now, and I, who was too terrified to even attempt to help. Becoming more and more agitated, the group attacked a lone DX that had shambled out of the tunnels, and began workin on rearranging a pattern of crafting tables. Warsoilder attacked the DX, and successfully managed to kill the barely armored DX. However, what followed afterwards, I will never be able to forget. From what I could see in chat, a massive swarm of DXs piled out of the tunnels and surrounded the group. They killed dozens, but the DXs continued to pour out, and the group was quickly overwhelmed. The brief period of silence that always follows the change, and then, they were no more. The only people left were Taters and I, and I hadn’t seen him around the base for days. He just muttered something about “having a solution”, and then left the base. I finally saw him speak for the last time a few days ago, and what he did, and what happened, is why I’m even writing this in the first place. I was stockpiling food and supplies inside the basement of my house, when I heard the distinctive gong of a wither spawning, quickly followed by an entire crescendo of gongs, until I thought I must have gone insane from the noise. The chatbar was quickly filled with the deaths of the DXs, and taters constantly egged on the withers and screamed obscenities at the DXs, but there were simply too many of them to stop. More and more of them gained The Beginning achievement, and my heart sank. Eventually, the only thing left was Taters, who began cutting a path through the DXs like butter, until it simply stopped. I looked for his name desperately, and I managed a sigh of relief when I saw his name still unchanged. Then, something extraordinary happened. “Roadmaker was slain by Taters69”. Immediately, at least a hundred of the DX swarm simply vanished from the server list, and I haven’t seen them since. I cheered for taters, but he didn’t respond. He was silent for a moment, and then he said one last thing. “Hang on, I need to roll a spliff.” Ever since then, all the DXs have endlessly talked, all of them begging, bribing, anything to get me to come to spawn. And you know what? I think I might just take them up on that offer, but I’ll be bringing a few friends along with me as well.
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#2
Don't hesitate to think for a moment that chad won't eventually do this. It's inevitable.
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#3
Killed it. Well done. Looking forward to future installments.

Balancing the enthusiasm out- if Minoxio is in more than 30% of these, you're doing it wrong.
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#4
Minoxio was in here because I was eating strawberry cheescake yogurt halfway through writing this and decided it would be entertaining to use him as a one time relevancy gag.
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